California Republicans need to get off defense and start playing offense. They need to throw the long bomb.
They need to imitate the Oakland Raiders of the 1970s under quarterback Ken “The Snake” Stabler, cornerback Skip “Dr. Death” Thomas, wide receiver Fred Biletnikoff, offensive tackle Art Shell and Coach John Madden. Not the pathetic Raiders of the recent years of principal owner Al Davis’ meddling senescence.
The Classic Raiders were junkyard dogs who took chances and won. As linebacker Phil “Foo” Villapiano said, “When you play for the Raiders you play to win and you play tough.”
That would set him reeling on the defensive. Remember how Gov. Gray Davis, once the recall began against him in 2003, started stammering like Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason) when he got nervous on the old “Honeymooners” TV show, “Hamamamamamahamama”? Davis’ administration shut down. What fun.
The whole 2003 recall was fun. It turned out badly when Gov. Arnold “Adulterinator” Schwarzenegger won the simultaneous replacement election and, after two so-so years, panicked like a wimp after he lost his 2005 reform election. Then the Austrian Oaf turned his governorship over to wife Maria and we got Kennedy Government for the next five years.
But so what? Arnold’s gone. His main celebrity project now is Divorce Court. He can’t ruin another recall.
It doesn’t even matter if Brown could be unseated. Just challenging him would take the air out of his governorship for four months or more. He would have to take a break from his tax-increase obsession
A recall costs about $2 million to circulate the petitions. That’s not chump change, especially in the depths of the Obama Depression. But there are enough Republican moneybags around to raise the cash.
Moreover, for wealthy Republicans considering a run for statewide office or U.S. Congress, ponying up some serious cash for a Recall Jerry Brown effort should be the opening ante of their campaigns. Put up or shut up, boys.
There are a lot of ways a Recall Jerry Brown campaign would be fun. For one thing, it would scramble the plans of Brown’s potential successors. Remember how Democratic candidates, such as then-Insurance Commissioner John Garamendi – now a U.S. Congressman – first started campaigning in the replacement election, then were told to quit or face reprisals? Garamendi, a fan of Cuba’s socialized medicine system, obeyed.
In the end, the only serious Democrat to stay in the repelacement election was Lt. Gov. Cruze Bustamante, campaigning on the hilarious theme, “No on Recall, Yes on Bustamante.” A couple of years later, Cruisin’ Cruz campaigned for insurance commissioner on a platform of his diet program. Perhaps, in a new recall, he could come out of his lucrative retirement as a lobbyist to run again on his slimming scheme.
And remember the entertaining candidates, 135 of them? Gary Coleman, alas, no longer is with us. Arianna Huffington probably would run again. New campaign theme: “This time, dummies, elect the right immigrant.”
After selling the Huffington Post to America Online for $315 million, she sits on a lot more dough than when she was just blowing her alimony from her ex-hubby, GOP ex-Rep. Michael Huffington.
This is a family publication. So decorum prevents me from mentioning the names of some of the indecent candidates who ran. But they did add to the recall’s circus atmosphere.
In a Brown Recall, we could see run:
* Meg Whitman. Hey, it’s been almost a year since she blew $183,000,000.00 on her previous losing campaign. Maybe she’s defrosted a little.
* Steve Poizner, who lost to Meg in the 2010 GOP primary. He’s had another year to move from his tax-increase past.
* Rep. Tom McClintock, who would have won in the 2003 recall if silly Republicans hadn’t backed Kennedy Klone Arnold.
* “Unable” Abel Maldonado, the former Light Gov. who was appointed to that pointless post by Arnold. It was a reward for Maldonado, as a state senator, selling out the taxpayers on Arnold’s record, $13 billion 2009 Kennedy Klone tax increase.
* Carly Simon – excuse me, that’s how I always think of her – Carly Fiorina, who lost last year’s U.S. Senate race to Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-Pyongyang).
But Democrats also might run against a septuaginarian governor who, even in 2010, ran a campaign too far. In addition to the above-mentioned Cruzinator, these Donkey Party hopefuls might include:
* Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom, currently in a duel with Brown over who can come up with the more pointless “jobs creation” program, when their own high-tax, sky-high regulation policies are to blame for Joblessfornia.
* Los Angeles Mayor Tony Villar (a/k/a Antonio Villaraigosa), who just took a pot shot at Brown by calling for gutting Proposition 13 and jacking up property taxes on businesses. Having cast the City of Angeles into the Inferno, he seeks to melt down the Golden State.
So, Elephants, what are you waiting for?
Recall Jerry Brown.
(John Seiler is managing editor of CalWatchDog.com.)